PEOPLE ON STREET

People on street? maybe you guys wonder what it means??  It means, what a person did to had fun with..

Yes,im now become weird and weirder, I admit,trust me!! I know what i'm doing.. im just a guy with nothing left since I realized what's a bad part of me..

look, im gonna tell you a story. There's something happened in the suburb last week, a man was shot outside his home. Detective were called to investigate,and they soon learn this man had enemy.. what i would like to highlight on my story is, we passed this people everyday,but we never look at them, we even dont wanna see the sadness in their expression, the loneliness in his/her eyes, but there are the time we should stop look at these eyes isolated people. But why? hmm well, if we look close enough, we might just recognize them.

Nowadays, the world is filled with people who did ugly thing. why they acts this way? You know what? some lie will keep them loosing what they loves, some harsh out because they fear the future, some put-up wall because they had regretted. 

Yes, everyone has a reason for the ugly thing they do, so do I, and once we found out why? then we can try to stop them. That's is why people has did something weird. If a little girl can have a doll to play with, why dont adult can't have this doll to share with?? and if a little boy can have a game to play fun with, why dont adult can't have such stuff to express what he feels??

so what do you think?? yes im weird, sometimes i feel that i should go for therapy. On what for? do I insane? or crazy maybe??.. nope! not at all, im just fine, this is the way to be good  when I feel to be abandoned.. sounds silly right? but that's me.. a guy name's Alif Haziq

HURT

Seems like it was yesterday when i saw your face..hmm.but its nothing, recently i've been exposed with everything..what is good for life. now I'm just wondered that how is it like?? if i said i'm being dumbed right now, yes it is. these are what i meant by a circle of life before.

 

Yes, i feel that I am nobody, let me just be honest, I feel that i'm a terrible person with all these kind of stuff. I'm just so sad..even there is no one that truly know who i am actually. Every night,before sleep, i always thinking what im gonna do for the next 5 years with my family? with my friends? with my life?

People said that i'm become weird and weirder. I dont know why i feel that i'm stuck with everything even though i have to run and i'm still stuck. Yes i cry.. and still crying in front of my lappy, typing a very single alphabets and each phrase that full of expression on how I feel for this journey as a teenager. 'He' never understands me.. look, im really sorry for blaming you with everything because i'm just hurt myself by hurting you.Oh im totally screwed up!!

God! please help me, help me with this. i'll try and always pretend to be alright even though i'm not, i never admit if i broke inside, and its so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this.. i just need one more chance. please. Sometimes i feel that i will never find a happiness in this circle of life, im just alone and struggle with myself. no one knows,its only you god knows how i feel now.

i write this on wednesday at 12.54 a.m with dogs barking to each other,  im alone in my room, crying while typing and all by myself.i dont know which is the better part of me.

I love you dad, i love you, please dont make me feel guilty again,there's nothing i wouldn't do to hear your voice again. would you tell me i was wrong?? im just want more chance.

dad i just want you to know that If I had just one more day I would tell you how much that I've missed you since i.ve been away from you..I hope you will find the truth through my blog, im sure one day you would be able to read all this about what i feel as your son which is you never understand before..thank you for all you've done for me from the day i was created. What i wanted to do is to be happy, i just want you to know that i'm alone. i have no brother that i can share with,what i had was a sister that never understands.. why its so hard for you to understand? maybe i never tell you before just because i can't. really can't

 

 

i just wanted to be happy as my childhood

I think, it is not complicated to lead the spiritual life. But it is difficult. I'm blind and subject to a thousand illusions. I must expect to be making mistakes all the time and must be content to fail repeatedly and to begin again to try to deny myself for the love of God. 

It is when i'm angry at our own mistakes that I tend most of all to deny myself for love of myself. I want to shake off the hateful thing that has humbled me. In my rush to escape the humiliation of my mistakes, i'm run headfirst into the opposite error, seeking comfort and compensation. And so I spend my life running back and forth from one attachment to another.

If that is all my self-denial amounts to, my mistakes will never help me. the thing to do, when you have made a mistake, is not to give up doing what you were doing and start something altogether new, but to start over again with the thing you began badly and try, for the love of God, to do it well.

Family gathering (2nd April)

Haha..its all just happened at my dear aunt's house..we gathered as a big family grilling some food (i mean bbq).hangout till late at night..its awesome actually..

just look at my dad n sis..

hehe..this is it

so that was my father and my sis choosing food on that night ..they trying to persuade themselves 'stop eating'..haha

this is my uncle..u can see the food grilled.it was sate,prawn,fish and of course chicken..

This is my aunt,she was  the one who responsible to marinates all these food..and she's good in kitchen and good cooker too..u know what i mean right!! hahha

this is my sister.with her creepy smile

my aunt with her new daughter.its damia

this is my dear grandpa..do i looked like him?? hahha

this is also my uncle,the next to him is my mom

this is me and my sis..haha..we always looked as a couple for those who didn't know the real situation is..hahaha

 hahaa..so this is the night that i never forget,a family gathering..i love them so much..this kind of event is not always be planned..maybe once in a year. because it is not easy to gather in extended..so im just grabbed this opportunity..its great ha?? whatever it is, family come first. and it is always my priority and i will never forget this moment..ok..thats all

                                                                                           
xoxo